Managing Screen Time: A Reality Check

Ah, screen time. That never-ending uphill trail that I swear will get easier, but somehow, I’m always winded and questioning my life choices halfway up. Managing my own screen time is like thinking I’ll take an easy recovery ride and then somehow ending up climbing the steepest hill in town. I tell myself, “Just one more video,” and suddenly, I’m in an internet black hole, learning how bears hibernate (they don’t sleep the whole time and the bears in our town don’t even hibernate at all, by the way, which makes me feel even worse about my 5-hour sleep habits).

I stay up way too late, convincing myself, “Just five more minutes.” Next thing I know, the sun is rising, my coffee is judging me, and I’m operating on pure chaos. I’ve tried everything—deleting social media, turning my phone off, locking it in a drawer, even tossing it into the deepest, darkest corner of my purse (a place where small items go to disappear forever). But no matter what, I always end up back at square one.

Clearly, something had to change. Enter: my kids.

I decided to be totally transparent with them about what I’m doing on my phone. “I’m texting Daddy.” “I’m checking a recipe because I have no idea what’s for dinner.” “I’m emailing the contractor about kitchen cabinets that will probably be outdated before they’re even installed.” “I have a brilliant idea that must be written down before my ADHD brain tosses it into the void.”

I also try to use pen and paper when possible and read actual books instead of my Kindle—because, let’s face it, opening my Kindle should mean reading, but somehow, I end up on an internet deep dive about whether salamanders can regenerate their brains (they can, and honestly, I’m a little jealous).

Now, my kids do get screen time almost every day. Not as a reward—just as a regular part of our routine. I tried the reward thing, but honestly? I welcome the break while making dinner. Plus, educational programs? Yes, please! And brain breaks? Absolutely. My toddler, though, is the true enigma—he barely cares about screens. He recently started showing interest in Danny, Go! and a few dance numbers, and he occasionally asks for Elmo. But he won’t actually sit still to watch… unless I snuggle up next to him. Oh, but he does love Motocross with the neighbor. Then suddenly, he’s the cuddliest little blanket burrito, clutching my arm like a lifeline. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty sweet.

Managing screen time for many is like trying to keep a toddler from jumping in a mud puddle—inevitable, but with some strategy, it can be controlled. My kids get about 30 minutes of screen time a day, mostly for educational games or a brain break while I make dinner. But one thing I will absolutely put my foot down on? No phones before 16. No social media until high school. Remember when Facebook was only for college students? Can we go back to that?

Studies show that early exposure to social media can negatively impact mental health, leading to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and decreased attention spans in kids. A 2023 report from the U.S. Surgeon General linked excessive social media use to poor sleep, low self-esteem, and increased risk of cyberbullying. Research from Common Sense Media found that 50% of teens feel addicted to their devices, and the average 8- to 12-year-old spends over five hours a day on screens outside of schoolwork. No thanks. My kids will survive without scrolling through curated highlight reels of other people’s lives before they even figure out their own.

So what about when they need to get a hold of us? What if there is an emergency and I’m on a run, and they are with a babysitter, or the neighbors are over watching them? I’ve actually spent a long time thinking about this. Growing up, we had a landline. My mom didn’t take that with her when she went down the street or when she was in the garden. Of course, she didn’t have a cell phone either, but we knew how to call for an emergency, get ahold of our neighbors, or call my dad’s work. What do kids do today? Do parents buy them a phone just for those one-offs? There was no way we were going to budget for that.

So you know what I did? I took our iPad that the kids use for their tech time and set it up with an iCloud account for my oldest daughter. The iPad already has limited apps and strict parental controls. Once her account was created, I added her as a member of our iCloud family account. You can do this on your computer or phone. I’m the organizer of the family, so it makes it easy for me to set everything up. Once she was added, I set up Screen Time. I unblocked Messaging and FaceTime and set the guidelines to “only contacts” under Communication Limits. I also allowed myself to manage her Contacts on my end. This way, I can easily add Grandparents and my husband as needed. Now, whenever we are away (which honestly is not very often), she can access the iPad, send me a text, or FaceTime. I can also set up additional emergency contacts.

Keep in mind, iPads aren’t cell phones and can’t make voice calls, even to emergency services, unless they’re set up with a VOIP service like FaceTime. Even then, they don’t share location information. It is important that you have a plan set in place if your kids do need to get ahold of emergency services, like running to a neighbor’s house. Here are instructions on Apple for how to Set up Screen Time for a family member on iPad and make this work for you too.

Now, about me and my writing—by day three, I was already spiraling. I tend to dive in too hard, too fast, and suddenly, I’m in the middle of a full sprint when I meant to take an easy jog. (Shoutout to my ADHD for keeping life interesting!) Writing is my escape, my creative outlet—the thing I didn’t even realize I was missing since losing my job last February.

So, to keep myself from metaphorically blowing out my knees on this creative project, I set some ground rules: no writing when the kids are awake, no social media scrolling when I’m with them (taking photos – with their permission – only!), and phone on silent/focus mode most of the time. Will I stick to it? Eh, probably? But one thing’s for sure—I am not about to be one of those sad statistics that says I spent nine years of my life staring at a screen. No, thanks. So yes, I write my blog posts after they go to bed at night and set publish for a future date, mind blowing eh!? Now you know the secret.

Now, excuse me while I go remind my kids that yes, I do, in fact, have eyes that aren’t glued to my phone screen. Revolutionary, I know.

What is your stance on screen time, how do you manage devices in your home?