Mom Shaming: Why Are We Like This?

At community group the other night, we got on the topic of mom guilt and mom shaming, and it got me thinking—why are we so hard on each other? I know I’ve been guilty of this. Judging behind closed doors, rolling my eyes at another mom’s choices, silently ranking myself based on how I think I stack up. And if I’m really honest? It’s probably just insecurity talking. When I feel like I’m falling short—like I could have handled something better or I’m not doing “enough”—it’s tempting to pick apart someone else’s choices to make myself feel better.

Why do we do this? Why do we set these impossible expectations for ourselves and then judge others at the same time? Shouldn’t we, of all people, know how hard this job is? Shouldn’t we be the ones lifting each other up, offering a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, let’s be real), and just listening?

I need to do better. We all need to do better.

Every time I step away from social media, I feel it—my anxiety drops, I’m less reactive, and I judge less. I’m not saying social media created mom shaming (because let’s be real, it’s been around since forever), but it sure has supercharged it. Now, instead of just silently comparing ourselves to the moms we see at the park or the grocery store, we have curated highlight reels in our faces 24/7. Perfect houses. Perfect kids. Perfect parenting advice from strangers who somehow never seem to lose their cool or serve chicken nuggets three nights in a row (hey I like Dino nuggets too! It’s probably more for me than them at this point) . And don’t even get me started on the comment section—it’s like a feeding frenzy of unsolicited opinions. Word to the wise, avoid mom groups at all costs and never ever bring up car seats…like ever. 

I know, I know. The irony isn’t lost on me—I started a blog about homeschool life, and here I am talking about unrealistic expectations. But my hope? That what you see here is real.

Not Pinterest-perfect, not magazine-spread worthy—just real life.

Right now, there’s food stuck to the floor under my table. My laundry room smells…questionable. The dishes are stacked in the sink. There’s sand everywhere. My oldest child’s hair might be forming natural dreadlocks. Some days, we skip “sit-down school” because going outside is just better. Or because I’m tapped out. Or because my husband calls and asks if we want to borrow a dog from work, and honestly, that just sounds more fun.

Dinner? Might be frozen chicken nuggets.
Lunch? I probably forgot to eat mine.
Coffee? Reheated for the 100th time.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

So maybe instead of pretending we have it all together, we just admit that sometimes this ride is wild—that it’s beautiful but also brutal. That we love our kids fiercely, but some days, we’re just hanging on for dear life.

And before anyone comes at me for not including dads in this—listen, my husband is a pro at brushing off comments and moving on. Me? Not so much. And let’s be honest, we’ve all seen the memes.

Mom forgets the diaper bag? Irresponsible.
Dad forgets the diaper bag? “Aww, he’s trying his best!”

Mom takes the kids to the park? Nothing to see here.
Dad takes the kids to the park? “OMG, what an amazing father!!”

We’re living this. The memes are truth.

And if you think I’m exaggerating, let me tell you a little story.

A while back, I was out running with my girls. It was maybe 85 degrees—warm, sure, but we were dressed appropriately, staying hydrated, and had just taken a break at a park. The girls were loving it. Life was good.

We were almost home when a man stopped his car (first off—creepy), rolled down his window, and started yelling at me.

“Do you even know how warm it is outside?!”
“This is irresponsible!”
“I should call CPS on you!”

I’m sorry, what?

Sir. My children were thriving. Smiling, laughing, having the time of their lives. But apparently, because I was the parent out with them, it was a crime.

Now, if my husband had been out there? Would he have been Dad of the Year. “Wow, what an active father! Teaching his girls resilience! Bonding time! Giving mom a break! Getting that work in after work before dinner.” I don’t truly know but I can sit here and wonder. This is what I mean. The judgment, the double standards, the constant scrutiny—it’s exhausting.

And if that’s you too? Welcome. You’re not failing. You’re not alone.

So here’s to supporting each other, to keeping our judgments to ourselves, and to bringing back the ancient wisdom of “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Because really, wouldn’t that make mom life just a little easier?